the MIND less FULL

Wherever you go, there you are

Sunday 26th July 2020

The summer holidays are upon us and many of us are all broke up with nowhere to go.

The dictionary defines a holiday as: a time when someone does not go to work or school but is free to do what they want, such as travel and relax. Given that travel is not on the cards for many of us, it leaves us with the option to ‘relax’. Our old limbic systems have been through the mill these last few months and absolutely need a rest. Recovering our strength is definitely what we need as individuals. communities and as a nation.

It is difficult though – there is no doubt about it, whatever the reason we may find ourselves without an escape from reality to relax, rest and recover our strength. Many of us have spent so much time in our homes of late – working, home schooling, socialising online, Zoom quizzing, walking round aimlessly in circles….that the ‘staycation’ feels like a less relaxing option than it might usually.

Others have had periods of intense stress and pressure working through lockdown – and without the distraction of a holiday might be finding it difficult to decompress.

Staying at home makes it more difficult to escape from the external pulls on our attention – the mess, the chaos, the wallpaper that has started to peel, the messy tupperware cupboard. In short, the complete opposite of a relaxing environment. Without the change in environment it is also difficult to escape the internal pulls on our attention. The worries, the stresses the anxieties of what the next few months might bring.

Holidays however are as much about the state of mind as they are the destination. Whilst a holiday can be an escape from it all, ultimately, wherever you go - there you are. Go on holiday – there you are. Stay at home – there you are.

I have certainly been on holidays where I wished I could have left myself at home. A trip to Paris where I spent the whole weekend locked in a wheel of anxiety having left my two young children at home for the first time (not alone I hasten to add, that anxiety would have been wholly justifiable). A weekend camping in the Lakes, pregnant and convinced that some terrible catastrophe such as the tent blowing away or car rolling down the hill (in my defence, it was wet & steep) stopped me from sleeping for 48 hours. Relaxing, rejuvenating and free from anxiety and tension they were not.

Wherever I went – there I was. Excess baggage fees applicable.

Whilst there is no doubt about it, going away makes it easier to switch off, it would seem that the responsibility to benefit from a holiday in part lies with ourselves.

So for those of us with nowhere to go this summer and trying our hardest to make the best of it, here are 10 top tips to help us cultivate a holidays state of mind:

1) Firstly, acceptance is needed. This isn’t the same as resignation, it is just acknowledging the situation exactly as it is. You are here. Just in case you thought you were somewhere you are not. Longing, wishing, or holding on tight to the disappointment of not going on holiday will not make this any easier.

2) A break away from routine is necessary – routine can hoodwink us into living on autopilot, missing out on things that might just spark our imagination. It is the quality of the time away from routine and the novelty that makes us feel like we are on holiday. Have toast if you usually have cereal. Watch a film in the middle of the day even if it feels like it is ‘not allowed’. Dig out your holiday wardrobe.

3) Discover and learn new things you have never done before. We process information from our senses quicker when something is familiar, so time goes quickly, which isn’t very restful. When something is new it takes our brains longer to put the information in order - thus feeling like time is elongated. Visiting new places (even just in our neighbourhood), learning new things, trying a new recipe, talking to different people, even walking in a different direction with the dog are the secrets to making time slow down this summer.

4) Engage in some mindful practices. Slow your body down: walking, eating, making a cup of tea – slow it all right down and pay focussed attention to activities and experiences. The more we focus on life, the less it will slip by us and the more joy we will find there. Look around you – pay attention to the environment – see it as it is. There is so much to appreciate. So much beauty within easy reach.

5) On the subject of mindfulness – take some time to meditate. Even for 5 minutes a day. Spend some time being in the present , away from the inner pulls on your attention. Headspace & Calm are great Apps to support you with this.

6) Take a break from social media. Some people have gone away on holiday. If you are really finding the non-holiday difficult - It is important to remember that you do have a choice in what you let filter into your attention. Perhaps a break from watching what everyone else is up to at this moment in time might be beneficial to your own state of mind.

7) Stash your work and the schoolbooks somewhere out of view – turn off the email notifications. Try and exert some control over the external pulls on your attention.

8) Engage in relaxing activities – drop the guilt! Have a bath. Spend the day reading. Walk in the park – research consistently shows being outside correlates to positive wellbeing.

9) Listen to music – cultivate your playlist, music can be a game changer in terms of how we feel.

10) Reminisce about a trip – psychological research suggests that even long after it has happened, remembering an experience can help cultivate the same feelings. Flip through your holiday photos, look at images of the location the internet. Rather than making us feel worse – this can be a really positive experience. Lyubomirsky, a positive psychologist, says this can also be accomplished by savouring the details of a trip, the sounds and the smells and sharing them with others. Go the whole hog and recreate the foods you ate.

Finally, I shall leave you with the words of Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius who is reported to have said:

‘Nowhere is there a more idyllic spot , a vacation home more private and peaceful, than in one’s own mind. Take this vacation as often as you like – and so charge your spirit’.

As far as TripAdvisor reviews go – that’s a 5* rating right there.

So that’s my plan. This year my destination is my mind. I hope wherever you go, (or stay) you take the present with you, leave behind the past and put the future on hold for just a short while.

Julie x

(Holiday is a state of mind. Drawing by Luke Hockley)